Divorce can be an emotionally and financially challenging process, and uncertainty about the expenses involved can add to this. Having a strong understanding of how divorce costs are handled can...
Read more
Contending with a divorce is a difficult process at the best of times, but these troubles can be greatly exacerbated if you are dealing with a narcissist.
A narcissist is someone who has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD. Someone with this condition will usually be characterised by traits such as, having an inflated ego, always believing that they are right, excessive self-interest, controlling and taking advantage of others, and being unable to empathise.
For this reason, navigating a narcissist divorce can present particular challenges that one may not face otherwise. At Sharp Family Law, our team have substantial experience helping our clients successfully navigate divorces involving a narcissist and can provide the sensitive support that you need.
Here, we take a look at the challenges you may face when divorcing a narcissist, sharing advice on how to confidently approach your spouse and providing some insight into what the process might look like.
Why a narcissist won’t divorce you
A narcissist may oppose a divorce because it is a direct attack on the high esteem in which they typically hold themselves. Beginning divorce proceedings removes the control from their side, and they may begin to oppose this through antagonistic behaviours against their spouse. A narcissist is likely to use drawn-out custody battles or legal proceedings as a way of punishing their spouse and regaining control over the situation.
There are some typical behaviours that a narcissist is likely to exert to oppose a divorce process. However, a skilled divorce solicitor can help you identify these and formulate a strong defence to help you get the outcome you deserve. Some common behaviours include:
- Refusing to negotiate or playing mind games
- Ignoring legal advice
- Weaponising any children shared with their spouse
- Withholding information during financial settlements
- Dragging out the divorce
Whilst you may be familiar with these behaviours, opposing them confidently is another story. It’s important to understand the processes involved in divorcing a narcissist to put yourself in the best possible position moving forward.
What are the stages of divorcing a narcissist?
Whilst the stages of divorcing a narcissist are, in principle, the same as undergoing any other kind of divorce, there are specialised narcissist divorce tactics that can help you along the way. Here, we’ll outline how to contend with each stage to give yourself the best chance of the outcome you deserve.
Deciding to divorce
Living with a narcissistic spouse can be emotionally exhausting. Narcissistic behaviours, such as manipulation, gaslighting, and coercive control, can have a profound impact on your well-being. Being subjected to these behaviours can severely cloud your judgement, and so reaching the decision to divorce may take some time.
Whilst making the decision to end your marriage may be incredibly tough, it is vital to do so if that relationship has become damaging. Seeking tailored professional advice at an early stage can help you take the necessary steps to protect yourself.
Getting ready for divorce proceedings
Preparation is essential in any divorce, but even more so when dealing with a narcissistic spouse. Before initiating proceedings, it is advisable to organise important documents, review your financial position, and ensure you have a clear understanding of your rights.
Support is available from specialist organisations, including those offering guidance on housing, financial entitlements, and emotional well-being. Seeking early legal advice will help you approach the process with confidence and clarity, which is where our team at Sharp Family Law can help.
Negotiation
In an ideal scenario, negotiation or mediation can resolve divorce settlements, financial arrangements, and child custody matters. However, narcissistic individuals can be particularly difficult to negotiate with and may even attempt to derail the process by refusing to engage, weaponising children, or insisting on unreasonable terms.
While this can be frustrating, their unwillingness to cooperate can work against them should the matter proceed to court. Seeking a specialist solicitor with experience in handling high-conflict divorces can make all the difference in protecting your interests.
Acquiring your court resolution
Divorcing a narcissist is rarely straightforward, and if negotiations fail, court proceedings may be necessary. However, litigation can be costly, time-consuming, and may increase tensions further, which can certainly exacerbate the trouble you may already be facing.
We always recommend that reaching an out-of-court resolution should be prioritised whenever possible. Even in high-conflict divorces, obtaining expert legal advice at an early stage can help you explore all available options before resorting to formal legal action that can cost you significant time and money.
How to beat a narcissist in court
To reach a positive conclusion in a divorce with a narcissist, it is important to take several key steps that will allow you to remain calm despite the stress, focus on the matter at hand, and maintain control during the process.
It’s crucial to stay focused on the key legal issues, such as finances and child arrangements, without getting drawn into unnecessary arguments. Narcissists often use children as leverage, so it’s important to provide a safe space where children feel they can speak openly without taking sides.
A narcissist will seek to engage in conflict, but responding to every accusation only fuels their behaviour. Avoid explaining yourself repeatedly and instead concentrate on achieving a fair outcome. Furthermore, establishing boundaries is essential, as narcissists thrive on control.
Negotiating directly is often ineffective, so involving a solicitor or mediator can help create a buffer between you and your spouse. Keeping communication minimal and neutral reduces their ability to manipulate the situation. Our team at Sharp Family Law can help you with this, providing an expert perspective on narcissist coercive control, which should help you reach a fair resolution.
Being mentally prepared is possibly the most key preparation you can undergo in order to successfully divorce a narcissist. A narcissist will deflect blame, distort facts, and attempt to make you doubt yourself. Documenting key incidents, saving messages, and keeping a diary will help you maintain clarity and provide evidence if needed.
You’ll have to accept that they may not comply with court procedures, but this can play in your favour as this will likely make the court perceive them negatively. Researching your rights and financial position will also help you stay informed and resist intimidation.
Get in touch with our divorce solicitors
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and want careful guidance on how to leave safely, don’t hesitate to contact our divorce solicitors today.
You can contact our offices in Bath, Bristol, or Bradford on Avon, or fill in our online enquiry form and a team member will be in touch.